Friday, June 10, 2011

Trying For The Girl?

I should have seen it coming. I should have realized that it usually happens around your child's first birthday that people start asking the famous question: "so, are y'all gonna have more?"  Although, in our case, the question has now lovingly been rephrased to, "so, are y'all gonna try for the girl?"

Before I get any farther, let me give a "solid answer" to those wondering about the future of our family: the jury is still out on babe #4.  Honestly, this is more so because my husband needs to wrap his brain around the idea of a fourth child.  Not just to love and nurture.  But to feed and clothe and insure and feed and send to college and feed.  (Did I already mention that last one? It's a big one around here because I have gradually, or not so gradually, watched our grocery budget extend to more than twice what it used to be when it was just the hubs and me.  Sometimes, when I get the odd chance to go to the grocery store alone, I stand in the aisle and wonder, hopefully not out loud, how in the world our 3 boys eat as much as they do.  You might be thinking that one of those 3 boys is a mere baby so he probably isn't eating all that much.  Let me go ahead and nip that thought process in the bud.  Seth eats.  Oh, how eats.  Can I get an amen from other moms of boys?  You know exactly the feelings of which  I speak).

Anyways, it isn't just the cost of another child that has my husband (and me) teetering back and forth. It's the fact that chances are we will have another boy.  The odds are against us in the whole "trying for a girl" process.  So the question isn't "are you going to try for the girl?"  The real question is "are you okay with trying for a girl but more than likely ending up with another Friesen boy?"

Do you see that? Those three beautiful faces? How, I ask you, could I not be okay with another boy?

Or course I'd be lying if I said that having a girl has never crossed my mind (see my last post about my mom.)  Has there ever been a woman in existence who didn't want a daughter?  It's a hard thing to explain because, I truly believe, it's a God-given desire inside of us females.  And, fortunately for me, I have a husband who understands that, although I love our 3 boys, that feeling that "our family is complete" hasn't hit me yet.   I hear stories of women who do, in fact, try for the girl and end up with 9 boys (true story) or 13 boys (true story).   That, I can promise you, will NOT be me.  

So, where does that leave the Friesen five?  Ryan and I are not only considering having a 4th baby, but adopting a little girl.  It's something we've always talked about.  But after having Seth, the discussion became more serious.  It's something we are praying about these days.  Adoption is such a special thing because of our relationship to the Lord.  He adopted us into his family, as sons and daughters.  Not because we deserved it.  He did it out of love.  And there are so many little ones out there who need a home, who need love, who need an adopting family.  And love is something we are definitely not short on.  

The biggest thing I'd have to let go of, if we adopted a baby girl, is wanting to know what our biological daughter would have looked like.  So, thanks to the magic of the internet, I morphed a baby girl out of me and Ryan's faces.  Here she is:

And just because I had to know how accurate it was, I also morphed a boy baby.  Because I definitely know what our boy babies look like.  Here's how "he" came out:

That's not too bad, huh?  I thought it actually looked like Seth a bit.

So, to answer the question of today's blog:  We are not trying for the girl. Yet. We are praying. We are waiting.  We are doing one of the things that I am not very good at: being patient.


  1. that's beautiful elita. good things come to those who wait...

  2. Well...I thought you were going to write about Mollie...fooled me :) The morph is interesting, but I see more of you in that little girl! Love reading your heart.

  3. hey baby i know what you are going through. we have had everyone ask of that question for over 2 years. and i feel the same thing about the odds of having a girl. but i do feel like i'm not complete without a daughter. my husband and i also have discussed, researched and been interviewed places for adoption. it has been something i have always wanted to do and thankfully i have a husband that feels the same way. so i understand how you feel completely!